Today was a crappy day, a demoralizing day, for me, so I thought I’d cheer myself up by doing the one thing that never fails me: writing. In this case, it’s on my blog, but any writing will do to lift the spirits.
So now, things I don’t understand:
-The first Rambo movie was called First Blood. The second Rambo movie was called Rambo: First Blood, Part II. So why the hell is the next movie called Rambo III? And then they made a Rambo IV! Shouldn’t the third movie have been called First Blood: Part III, and the fourth movie First Blood: Part IV? Because, technically, Rambo III is actually Rambo II: First Blood Part III, and Rambo IV is Rambo III. So if you want to see Rambo III, you really should say you want to watch Rambo II, which wouldn’t be the second movie, because that was the first Rambo movie, whereas the first Rambo movie was First Blood. Got it?
-You have Rocky I-V, but the last movie is called Rocky Balboa. Why not just call it Rocky VI: We Promise It’s Better Than Rocky V?
-In the first Friday the 13th movie, Jason Voorhees’s mother is the villain. In the rest of the series (minus an imposter in one of the films), the villain is a grown-up Jason Voorhees. My question: how could a kid age after he died? Second question: what the fuck is up with the aliens and the family curse in Jason Goes to Hell (in order to spare myself the horror of bad movie making, I had my brother tell me the plot)? Third question: if it was the Final Friday, why were there sequels? Final question: Why were there any sequels?
-Why were there any sequels to the vastly superior Halloween? The ending was perfect. Leave it alone!
-Why aren’t titles that include the word “final,” when referring to movies or video games, actually final? Examples: Final Fantasy, Final Fight, Freddy Dies: The Final Nightmare (glad they made New Nightmare afterwards, though still not as good as the original), Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, all the Final Destination movies (well, okay, that one makes sense).
-Why did Rob Zombie remake Halloween? What was wrong with the original?
-Why aren’t temp agencies temporary?
-Supposedly there are websites that can match me with my “perfect mate,” so why can’t websites match me with my “perfect job?” I mean, I know there are job search websites out there, but all of their job suggestions–based on my skills–are shit.
-Why did we still have a stock exchange after the 1929 crash? Why do we still have it? Wouldn’t a little less greed in the world be a good thing?
-Why can’t I be paid by the hour to write my novel? People are paid at work to Facebook each other.
-If Roland Emmerich can continue to make shitty films that gross millions of dollars, how come magazines won’t pay millions for my shitty stories? Okay, but seriously, the fact that Roland Emmerich is still allowed to make shitty movies BECAUSE they make millions of dollars should be deeply disturbing to all of us, especially to those people who buy tickets to his movies. Go see Ingmar Bergman, folks! Or Steven Spielberg. Hell, rent some Hitchcock, or (if you want the anti-Roland Emmerich) watch some Yasujiro Ozu.